If you believe all those sappy anniversary posts, your spouse is supposed to be your “best friend ever.” But what if your first-choice date for happy hour isn’t your significant other? Are you doing something wrong if you have a bestie who doesn’t share your bed?
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“Having a partner who is your best friend can be sweet, but it doesn’t have to be that way,” says psychologist Scott Bea, PsyD. “Culturally, we have this idea that our spouse should be our best friend — but there’s no single template for a successful marriage.”
He offers his tips for balancing your buddies with your wedded bliss.
Downer alert: A 2018 survey by health insurance company Cigna found almost half of Americans reported feeling lonely at least sometimes. Other research suggests that people today have fewer close pals than they did a generation ago.
For many people, that’s a problem. Friends make life more fun in good times and offer support and comfort during rough patches.
“Having close connections with others is one of the top predictors of happiness,” says Dr. Bea. “Human beings need friends.”
Nonromantic friendships can be an escape from the pressures of adulting. “In a marriage, you share a lot of duties: Laundry, kids, yard work, bills. With friends, you don’t share those obligations, so the friendship can feel lighter,” Dr. Bea says.
The key to friendships outside of marriage? It’s all about finding a balance that works for you and your partner. These tips can help you reach equilibrium.
And if you find it’s easier to talk with friends than with your partner? That’s a flashing sign that you need to work on your communication skills, Dr. Bea says. Start by talking about the role your friends play in your life. And who knows, once you start communicating more, you might want your spouse to join you for happy hour — at least every now and then.
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