Is Eldest Daughter Syndrome Real?

Big sisters unite! You may have heard of the term “eldest daughter syndrome” and knew immediately how being the oldest female child in your family has impacted your life.

If you grew up as the firstborn daughter, you may recall feeling a sense of responsibility for your younger siblings, feeling the pressure to make sure everything was perfect, and struggling to set boundaries and express your emotions.

And today, as a full-grown adult, you may look back at that time in your life fondly, as the leadership and organizational skills of being the eldest daughter have served you well.

But you may also find it easy to blame your birth order for your anxiety and the difficult time you have in adult relationships.

Oh, the burden and glory of being an eldest daughter. But is “eldest daughter syndrome” real?

To learn more about how being a firstborn daughter can affect your personality and behaviors, psychologist Kate Eshleman, PsyD, shares what characteristics and traits are associated with eldest daughter syndrome.

What is eldest daughter syndrome?

“Eldest daughter syndrome refers to the attributes and experiences of firstborn children, and in particular, daughters,” says Dr. Eshleman. “There are some positive attributes, but also some negative experiences that these individuals may face.”

You may have grown up helping your mother take care of your younger siblings, had chores or responsibilities around the house, or were an emotional outlet for one or both of your parents. For example, you may have cooked meals for your family, transported your siblings to after-school activities or listened to your mom complain about the neighbors.

You may feel like you didn’t get a proper childhood or it was “stolen” from you by having these additional burdens and responsibilities.

And while it may be a fun (or triggering) topic to discuss with your siblings — and you may identify with a lot of signs of eldest daughter syndrome — it’s important to know that it’s not an actual mental health diagnosis.

“Mental health professionals make diagnoses out of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders,” explains Dr. Eshleman. “Eldest daughter syndrome is not an official diagnosis. It’s kind of used more as a colloquial term.”

And even if you have an older brother, you may still tend to experience some of the traits familiar with eldest daughter syndrome.

“This can be because of gender stereotypes and a female’s role in the home,” she adds. “Even if there’s an older son, historically, a lot of childcare duties and household tasks have been assigned to women, even as it trickles down to children in the home. If there’s an older male child, potentially, some of these typically perceived parental tasks are being either assigned to or assumed by the oldest female child in the home.”

And according to a recent study, firstborn daughters tend to mature earlier. Researchers highlight a connection between mothers with high levels of prenatal stress and first-born daughters showing early signs of adrenal puberty. Adrenal puberty includes the development of body hair and changes in skin, as well as social and cognitive changes.

“For example, say a mother is working two jobs. It’s affecting the mother during pregnancy but then continues to have an effect after the child is born,” illustrates Dr. Eshleman. “The eldest daughter may become the primary caregiver for other siblings — and there are stressors then that affect the eldest daughter that could be prompting early onset adrenal puberty.”

Characteristics and traits

Eldest daughters may be more likely than other siblings to exhibit certain characteristics and traits, such as being:

• Responsible.
• Independent.
• Empathic.
• Caring.
• A perfectionist.
• Stressed.
• Anxious.

“Female children can develop a lot of stress or anxiety. You may have perfectionistic tendencies and often feel not good enough. You may feel the need to please others, and that can result in not feeling good enough because you’re not living up to those standards,” explains Dr. Eshleman. “There’s potential that being put in this role could impact future relationships and your overall personality. There’s some suggestion that there’s increased levels of personality disorders in eldest daughters.”

But there are also some positives if you’re the eldest daughter. For instance, research shows that first-born girls are most likely to succeed out of all siblings and are most likely to hold leadership positions.

How to embrace eldest daughter syndrome

You can’t change your birth order, but you can learn to embrace your childhood and how it shaped you as an adult. Dr. Eshleman says that you can do the following:

• Consider your personality. Are there traits and characteristics of being an eldest daughter that you admire about yourself? Are there things you’d change or work on improving? It can help to look at your behaviors and consider the reasons behind them. “A lot of the time, when we develop certain concerns with our moods or behaviors, it’s impacted by the way that we see ourselves, the way that we see the world around us, and the views that we hold, which may have been shaped in childhood,” notes Dr. Eshleman.
• Do your homework. Dr. Eshleman says you can find resources such as books, websites and podcasts that dive more into the idea of birth order and eldest daughter syndrome. And if there’s one behavior (like being a perfectionist) you want to focus on, there’s also a lot of resources to help navigate any concerns.
• Talk to a professional. Discussing any concerns or questions with a mental health professional is also an option. “Being able to talk with someone about the way that we view ourselves in the world and get some additional perspective can help change the way that we feel,” shares Dr. Eshleman.

Bottom line?

If you’re the older sibling in your family, after learning about eldest daughter syndrome, you may finally feel seen. And if you’re not the oldest, you may decide you need to give the big sis in your life a break.

But it’s important to remember that eldest daughter syndrome isn’t an actual diagnosis and is more of a way to consider how you grew up and how that might have influenced who are you today.

“It can be easy to relate to eldest daughter syndrome, but it’s important also to recognize that not every family is the same. It doesn’t occur in every family and there’s a lot of factors that play into this idea,” clarifies Dr. Eshleman. “Keep in mind that correlation doesn’t equal causation.”