Stressed Out? Use These 14 Healthy Coping Mechanisms

In a world where stress is around every corner — you’ve missed your work deadline, your kid forgot their soccer cleats at home, you’re in the middle of a divorce or caring for your elderly parents — it can be helpful to have coping mechanisms.

The good news? You’re probably using a handful of coping mechanisms each day to help navigate stressful moments and manage your emotions.

But are your coping mechanisms healthy or unhealthy?

Psychologist Brianne Markley, PhD, shares the different types of coping mechanisms and which strategies can help you cope.

What is a coping mechanism?

“A coping mechanism is a strategy or a technique someone might use to navigate stressors. To put it simply, coping helps us deal with difficulties,” explains Dr. Markley. “Coping mechanisms work because they allow us to be responsive to stress, rather than to just experience the stress with no defense.”

Stress can cause a whole host of symptoms such as exhaustion, muscle tension, high blood pressure, panic attacks, anxiety and depression.

“Someone might need to use several coping mechanisms when dealing with stress, discomfort, uneasiness, uncertainty — you name it,” she continues. “We often think of coping as a way to respond to either psychological or physiological concerns.”

Types of coping mechanisms

When it comes to how we cope, we can either use “active coping” or “avoidant coping.”

“Active coping means you’re working to address a concern in a direct, head-on manner. For example, if you’re managing a stressor at work or school, an active coping strategy would be to brainstorm possible resolutions and then work from there to resolve the problem,” explains Dr. Markley.

“Whereas with avoidant coping, you may distract yourself from your concerns or ignore or minimize your problems in an effort not to face it. It’s like putting a band-aid on a wound. While it might offer some temporary relief, it’s likely not going to be helpful or effective in the bigger picture.”

You can also think of the different types of coping mechanisms through the lens of “adaptive coping” vs. “maladaptive coping.” Think of adaptative coping mechanisms as positive or healthy coping skills and maladaptive coping mechanisms as negative or unhealthy coping skills.

From there, coping mechanisms can fall into three styles:

• Action-based coping. Also known as problem-focused coping, it aims to help identify and resolve issues that cause stress. “An example is asking for help, communicating your concerns or setting boundaries,” says Dr. Markley.
• Cognitive-based coping. With cognitive-based coping skills, you’re attempting to change your thought patterns or perception of a situation that causes anxiety and stress. Examples include writing in a gratitude journal or practicing positive self-talk.
• Emotion-based coping. “Emotion-focused coping aims to assist in navigating the emotional experience from stress,” shares Dr. Markley. “Maybe you can’t fully fix or problem-solve your stressor, but you can manage the way that you respond or react to it emotionally.” Examples include deep breathing or talking to a friend.

Healthy coping skills to focus on

“The first step in focusing on using healthy coping is to know the difference between healthy and unhealthy coping, to be able to identify which skills are more adaptive or less adaptive,” says Dr. Markley.

It’s also important to know not every skill will work in every situation.

“It’s imperative to not only have a variety of coping skills, but to be able to adapt your coping skills in certain circumstances,” she adds. “From there, it also helps to be self-reflective and examine how you’ve been doing at navigating stressors in your life.”

While there are many healthy coping mechanisms, Dr. Markley shares some common ways to work through a stressful situation.

• Try meditation. Spend a few minutes each day meditating.
• Practice deep breathing. Try one of the many deep breathing techniques such as holotropic breathwork or box breathing.
• Exercise. This can also include movement of any kind. “Consider light stretching, walking, dancing, hiking, biking, lifting weights — really movement in any way that feels good to your body,” she suggests.
• Get outside. Whether it’s gardening or taking a walk around the block, spend time in nature.
• Snuggle with a pet. A cuddle or two with your favorite furry friend can help reduce stress.
• Write in a journal. Take time each day to write down your thoughts and feelings or even list what you’re grateful for.
• Immerse yourself in art. Visit your local art gallery or museum. But this can include listening to music, reading a book or watching a movie or TV show that you enjoy.
• Talk with a friend. A trusted friend can be a great outlet for sharing your stress and helping you work through problems.
• Think positive thoughts. It can be easy to think negatively when you’re dealing with a tough situation. Instead, try positive self-talk and affirmations.
• Volunteer. Consider volunteering at a local organization — not only will it help others, but it can also help you reduce stress.
• Get laughing. Listen to a funny podcast, a comedian or talk with a friend who always cracks you up.
• Try aromatherapy. Whether it’s burning a candle or using essential oil, certain scents like lavender, pine, sweet orange and lemon can have a calming effect.
• Engage your senses. In addition to lighting a candle, think of how you can engage all of your senses. “It’s typically a really nice way to ground yourself and bring yourself back to the current moment by engaging your senses,” notes Dr. Markley. “For example, you might take a warm shower, wrap up in a cozy blanket, put on comfy clothes or even place a cool washcloth on your forehead.”
• Unplug from technology. Put down that phone and take a break from social media.

Understanding unhealthy coping mechanisms

“Maladaptive coping is an unhelpful way to attempt to address stressors,” clarifies Dr. Markley. “With maladaptive coping, you’re responding in some way, but it might not be the most effective strategy that you could utilize to resolve your concern or cope through it.”

Examples of unhealthy coping mechanisms may include:

• Consuming too much alcohol.
• Using drugs and other substances.
• Engaging in impulsive behaviors like gambling or reckless spending.
• Outbursts of anger or aggression.
• Ignoring the problem.
• Blaming others.
• Engaging in self-harm and negative thoughts.
• Binge eating or restrictive eating.
• Isolating yourself from others.

“There are certain factors that can contribute to an increase in maladaptive coping. For example, elevated and persistent levels of physiological or psychological distress can lead to less adaptive coping,” she says. “If you’re constantly bombarded, whether by psychological stress or physiological stress, it can make it really difficult to engage in the fight against your stressor by using healthy coping mechanisms.”

While these unhealthy coping mechanisms may provide temporary relief, it isn’t dealing with the problem, so your problem is likely to reoccur. Dr. Markley points out that using unhealthy coping mechanisms may also mean you end up creating more issues for yourself.

“It can actually multiply problems and create a complicated and compounding series of stress for people,” she warns. “Maladaptive coping may negatively impact your mental health and your physical health at times. It can also impact your relationships or ability to engage with others effectively.”

Bottom line: Have an assortment of healthy coping mechanisms

It can pay off to have a variety of healthy coping skills as you head through life.

“We need a well-equipped tool belt of coping skills because stressors are going to look and feel different. They’re going to impact you and affect you differently,” emphasizes Dr. Markley.

“When you have a good tool belt of different coping skills to choose from, you’re more likely to be flexible and responsive to a particular stressor. Healthy coping skills allow us to be responsive, rather than to experience a stress with no defense.”

And in some cases, if you feel like you’re turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms or are finding it hard to get relief from the healthy coping mechanisms you use, it’s OK to talk to a healthcare provider or a mental health professional.

“Coping can be a tricky business and sometimes, it’s difficult to navigate on your own. It may seem simple, but the amount of stress, the weight of the stress, the pervasiveness of the stress — all those factors can intensify the role of coping,” relates Dr. Markley. “If you feel like you’re coping unhealthily, or that you don’t have the skills you need to cope effectively, that’s a good time to reach out for professional support.”