8 Tips To Motivate Kids

We all need motivation to get things done, whether it’s hitting the gym or tackling that project you’ve been putting off.

And for kids, motivation can be hard to come by.

Do your homework. Clean your room. Eat your veggies. There’s a laundry list of things we ask kids to do (laundry included, now that you mention it). And they’re not always eager to jump in.

There’s no magic wand that will motivate your kid to put down the tablet and brush their teeth. But there are smart strategies that can help.

Pediatrician Joshua Coleman, MD, shares practical tips.

1. Praise more than you punish

What really motivates your child? Praise. Lots of it.

Researchers say, “Positive reinforcement works exceedingly better and faster than punishment.” Why? Praise and rewards make kids feel valued and confident.

Even if they don’t always show it, your kids want to make you happy. And positive reinforcement helps keep them motivated to do the right thing — not just avoid getting in trouble.

“Be generous with your praise and really judicious with your punishments,” Dr. Coleman advises.

In other words, save the punishments — like grounding, scolding or taking away certain privileges — for the times that truly deserve them.

2. Catch them being good

Ever feel like you’re constantly scanning for a “gotcha” moment? Keeping a vigilant eye out for those times when your child isn’t following the rules or listening?

What if instead, you were on the lookout for the good things your child is doing? And letting them know you see those, too?

Being recognized for being responsible, kind or brave can motivate your child to keep up those positive behaviors.

Praise them for things like:

• Using polite words
• Sharing toys
• Paying attention
• Completing tasks and assignments without a fight
• Trying new foods
• Practicing new skills
• Identifying and sharing their emotions in appropriate ways

“A lot of times, we miss those opportunities to highlight the positive things that kids are doing on their own,” Dr. Coleman notes. “Recognizing and pointing out when they’re doing the right thing builds self-esteem and helps with motivation.”

The more they know what makes you happy, proud and grateful, the more they’ll want to keep up those behaviors.

3. Be specific

Your kid can’t read your mind. No one can.

If they don’t know what you expect and what you appreciate, it can be hard to know exactly what is expected of them, for example:

4. Stay consistent

You can teach your kids to follow through by making sure they understand what the results of their actions will be.

Say you’re at the grocery store and your child wants a candy bar. You say no and explain why.

And here comes the tantrum. They whine, pout and refuse to budge.

If you give in, they learn that acting out gets them what they want. So, next time, they’re going to do it again.

If you stay firm, they’ll learn that your words mean something. And the value in that lesson far outweighs the stares you’re likely to get from your fellow shoppers. (Don’t worry: If they have kids, they probably get it.)

The same goes for telling your child it’s time to take a shower or bath. Or that they need to complete their chores. If you don’t hold them to it, they’re not going to be motivated to do it.

5. Use rewards properly

Rewards aren’t the same as bribes — when used right, they’re a teaching tool.

Bribes are reactive. (“If you stop yelling, I’ll give you a cookie.”) Rewards are proactive and planned (“If you finish your homework this week, we can celebrate after school on Friday.”)

Rewards aren’t just about sticker charts for potty-training toddlers. Kids of all ages (and adults, too) can be motivated with tangible reminders of jobs well done.

Try these tips to use rewards to motivate your child:

• Use them for one thing at a time: Choose one behavior or task that you most want to encourage, like staying in their bed all night or getting ready for school on time. Don’t try to tackle too many things at once or you risk diluting the lesson.
• Agree on the system: Both you and your kid need to be on the same page about what the reward is and what they need to do to earn it.
• Know what works for your kid: Sure, a little kid might get a marble in the jar every time they sit on the potty, but older kids may need to up the ante. Consider things like a movie night after they finish reading the book.
• Phase them out: Once a behavior becomes consistent, phase out the reward. One strategy Dr. Coleman recommends is making it a surprise. When your child starts making their bed willingly every morning, they don’t get the sticker every time. But sometimes, they do. And knowing that today could be the day can be motivating.

6. Model the behavior you expect

That whole “Do as I say, not as I do” thing? Not a motivator.

Your kids learn from watching you. So, modeling the behaviors you want to see can encourage them to follow suit.

“If I’m yelling at you to stop yelling at your sister, what are you really learning from that?” Dr Coleman points out.

Show kids the strategies you use to calm down when you’re upset. Tell them that you don’t like to fold laundry either, but that you make it more interesting by listening to a podcast while you do it. Go for walks with them to encourage exercise.

7. Keep your expectations reasonable

Let’s say it together: No one is perfect. That includes your kids. And you, too.

Your child isn’t going to go from president of the Procrastinators Club to jumping on their to-do list in a day (or a week, or maybe even a month or more). They’re going to resist sometimes. That’s OK.

You’re going to make mistakes, too. You might not always be the role model you want to be. You might miss some opportunities to praise their efforts. You might give in here and there, even when you know you shouldn’t.

Aim to do your best. And chances are, your kids will, too.

“If your expectations are too high, you won’t succeed,” Dr. Coleman acknowledges.

8. Know when to seek help

Sometimes, lacking motivation isn’t about being “bad,” lazy or defiant. Kids who are living with anxiety, ADHD, depression or other conditions can have a much harder time getting (and staying) motivated.

“You’re not going to motivate a kid out of a developmental or behavioral condition. Talk to your pediatrician if you suspect something deeper is going on.” Dr. Coleman advises.

Motivation works best when kids feel safe, supported and capable of success. Keep it positive. Keep it consistent — and remember, even small wins deserve big praise.