How Snowplow Parenting Gets in the Way of a Child’s Future Self

Snowplow parenting (also known as lawnmower parenting or bulldozer parenting) tends to be rooted in good intentions. Like a snowplow clearing the road of ice and snow, parents clear the path for their children’s success by taking ownership of their children’s problem-solving abilities.

But when parents step in and clear the barriers, kids can be left out in the cold. They won’t learn from their mistakes or figure out how to solve conflicts on their own. Pediatric psychologist Vanessa Jensen, PsyD, ABPP, sheds light on why this is a problem and what you can do to avoid it.

Are you a snowplow parent?

While parents naturally aim to safeguard their children, snowplow parents take this a step further by bulldozing over every bump in the road to meticulously remove any obstacles that might challenge their child’s path to success. Snowplow parents set themselves apart from other parenting styles by being overly involved in their child’s decisions and fighting their battles for them. You might be a snowplow parent if you:

• Over-protect your child and shield them from all potential failures or complex challenges
• Intervene when your child is faced with interpersonal conflicts, especially with their peers
• Micromanage your child’s time, behaviors, commitments and decisions
• Take over for your child and complete tasks, challenges or work for them

“Snowplow parents don’t want their children to have to truck through the snow and the muck, so they’re going to get all the dangers, all of the hurdles and all of the things that might be harmful out of the way,” explains Dr. Jensen.

Snowplow parenting vs. helicopter parenting

Snowplow parenting often gets confused with helicopter parenting. Both are over-involved parenting styles that involve some hovering over the children. But helicopter parents usually hold back from controlling the situation until an emergency calls for intervention. Snowplow parents tend to charge in from the get-go, creating a power dynamic that puts the parent’s anxiety about their child’s success above the importance for the child to learn those skills for themselves.

“The drive of these patterns of parenting are similar, but snowplow parents work keep their child from having any frustrations or failures, even if that means doing things for their child,” says Dr. Jensen. “With helicopter parenting, there are still aspects of micromanaging at play. They still expect their child to do their homework, but they’re going to make sure they are constantly aware of the deadline and what needs to be done.”

Consequences of snowplow parenting

While snowplow parenting may sound like a good idea at first, this parenting style can actually cause more problems for kids now and in the future.

“Think about it: Playing in the snow could be fun, but you also learn a lot by doing it,” Dr. Jensen illustrates. “You don’t go in the snow in your bare feet. You don’t climb in the snow when there’s ice underneath it.”

By snowplowing your child’s path to success, you can actually disrupt their ability to develop real-world skills.

“There are things you learn when you’re climbing through challenges,” she continues. “The basic downside of making everything wonderful for your child is that it’s harder for them to learn how to maneuver around those hurdles on their own or sometimes even to be aware of the dangers.”

Other negative outcomes that could result from snowplow parenting include:

• Increased fear and anxiety around the idea of making mistakes or failing
• Difficulty with self-esteem and resilience if things are hard
• Feelings of entitlement (that they “should always win”)
• Increased risk for codependent relationships
• Difficulty using healthy coping mechanisms in response to conflict
• Disruptions to parent-child relationships
• Holding onto unrealistic expectations

“One common thing we see with snowplow parenting is that when the parents do too much, kids begin to expect that they should be able to do everything at the level of their parents,” says Dr. Jensen. “In reality, it’s important that they do the work and learn from their experiences because it’s not going to ever be perfect.”

Avoiding snowplow parent behaviors

There are solutions you can rely on to make sure snowplow parenting doesn’t drag you down a dark and stormy path. Dr. Jensen recommends the following strategies for parents who want to turn the plow around:

• Encourage independence and problem-solving. Encourage your child to tackle challenges on their own by giving them age-appropriate responsibilities and allowing them to make some decisions, even “bad” decisions. Offer guidance when needed, but step back and let them learn through trial and error.
• Listen to your child’s fears and desires. Don’t hold your child back from trying new things or facing challenges. If they need help along the way, they’ll make it known. But don’t stop them from joining the school band or applying to a college if that’s where their passion lies.
• Let your child make mistakes. “A lot of snowplow parents say they take over because they don’t want their kids to ’suffer like I did,’ but they forget that part of that struggle is what made them who they are today and what made them as successful as they are,” stresses Dr. Jensen.
• Lead by example. Children often follow closely in their parents’ footsteps. Show your child how to handle conflict and failure by showing them how you use healthy coping mechanisms at work and home.
• Praise your child for tackling challenges. “Success isn’t always about the outcome,” says Dr. Jensen. “It’s about the process and helping them see how far they’ve come. Praising them for their hard work, even when the outcome isn’t ideal, gets away from this idea of perfection.”

“A lot of parents fall into these behaviors because they think a parent’s job is to make their child happy,” shares Dr. Jensen. “But I always say that our job as parents is to help them become healthy, happy, functioning adults, which sometimes means they’re not always going to be a happy kid. Sometimes, they’re not going to like you when they have to clean their room or do their homework. But they will survive.”