The 4 Parenting Styles and How They Affect Kids

If you have kids, you may worry whether you’re doing a good job raising them. That comes with the territory.

And if you’ve spent any time seeking out parenting advice, you’ve probably come across plenty of information about parenting styles. But what’s the best style? And how can you know if you’re following it?

Clinical psychologist Coda Derrig, PhD, shares insight and advice.

What are the four parenting styles?

There are four main parenting styles typically described in parenting research and popular media:

• Authoritative parenting
• Permissive parenting
• Authoritarian parenting
• Neglectful parenting (also called uninvolved or maladaptive parenting)

The parenting style you follow is often rooted in how you were raised, the challenges you’ve faced and your overall personality.

Knowing what each type looks like can help you understand how you approach parenting challenges:

Dr. Derrig breaks down what’s unique to each of the parenting styles.

Authoritative parenting style

Authoritative parents encourage rules, while also giving kids plenty of affection and encouragement.

“Authoritative parenting is all about compromise, negotiation and working reasonably together,” Dr. Derrig explains. “That ability to work with others is something you don’t really see modeled as well with other parenting styles.”

What does that look like in real life?

• Listening to your child
• Asking for their perspective
• Praising their successes
• Setting clear boundaries and sticking to them as appropriate

For example, say your child is being bullied. Today, they chose to fight back. As an authoritative parent, you would:

• Consider their feelings. Have your child explain how they were feeling in the moment.
• Reinforce the rules. Remind them that fighting and violence are never OK.
• Be flexible. Acknowledge that they were caught in a difficult situation.
• Use proper consequences. Be thoughtful about what would discourage this behavior in the future, while also being mindful that it’s a unique and complicated situation.

Impact of authoritative parenting

Studies suggest that kids of authoritative parents experience high levels of self-efficacy (belief in themselves) and academic achievement.

And Dr. Derrig says, “Authoritative parenting means there’s a lot of room for discussion. That can help kids succeed later because that’s pretty consistent with how the world works.”

Permissive parenting style

With permissive parenting, affection and reinforcement are prioritized, while rules are relaxed. It’s a style that’s all about nurturing your child emotionally without setting many (if any) boundaries. Rather than being an authority figure, permissive parents often take on a friend-like role with their child.

Impact of permissive parenting

Kids of predominantly permissive parents may have more difficulty adhering to rules as they grow up. After all, they’ve so far gotten to do things their way. So, why would they suddenly need to adjust to someone else’s way rather than just doing what they want to do?

“When permissive parenting, the child becomes the captain of the ship,” Dr. Derrig says.

That can lead to troubles like:

• Engaging in risky behaviors
• Developing unhealthy eating habits
• Having low levels of self-regulation
• A “me first” perspective

Authoritarian parenting style

Authoritarian parenting is the opposite of permissive parenting. It’s a style that enforces rules and boundaries without much space for affection.

As an authoritarian parent, you’re firmly in charge — and there’s little-to-no wiggle room for veering off course. Authoritarian parents have high expectations of their children, and the consequences for missteps can be harsh.

Impact of authoritarian parenting

Authoritarian parenting doesn’t help your child have a secure attachment to you. So, it can damage your relationship with your children and affect their future relationships.

What’s more, kids of authoritarian parents can pick up on that behavior. That can manifest into bullying or aggressive behavior. Or they can become fearful of punishment, leading them to be overly passive and anxious. They also may lie to avoid punishment.

Neglectful parenting style

Neglectful, or uninvolved, parenting is characterized by low levels of affection and few, if any, enforced rules. Parents may take care of their child’s basic needs for food, clothing, shelter and the like, but not much more. The expectations are low. The rules are almost nonexistent. And involvement in their kids’ lives is minimal.

Impact of neglectful parenting

Neglectful parenting can have severe downstream effects.

Kids of neglectful parenting may be highly self-sufficient because they learn they can’t expect others to help them. They can have trouble developing healthy relationships later in life. And one study suggests maladaptive parenting may increase risk factors for developing borderline personality disorder.

Is there a ‘best’ parenting style?

Following an authoritative style in your day-to-day interactions should be the goal.

“Generally speaking, we want parents to mainly strive toward an authoritative style,” Dr. Derrig recommends. “Using this type of parenting as your guide allows parents to manage most situations effectively.”

That takes being honest about what you expect from your kids and holding them accountable. It also means checking in with how they feel and encouraging appropriate responses to those feelings.

“Authoritative parents know when to dial up or down on affection, and when to dial up or down on enforcing boundaries,” Dr. Derrig says. “Those are important parenting skills that will serve everyone well.”