Mom Burnout: Are You Dealing With ‘Depleted Mother Syndrome’?

Underneath a mom who’s doing it all may be a mom who’s also teetering on the edge of burnout. Call it the dark side of multitasking.

Women can be the ultimate multitaskers, but this great strength also means they can have the highest risk of exhaustion. And moms, who are taking care of not just themselves but a family, too, are especially at risk.

“I always say that the mind gives out sooner than the body,” says clinical health psychologist Amy Sullivan, PsyD. “This can be true in exercise and also in mental exercise — and especially when we multitask.”

Dr. Sullivan explains why mom burnout is so prevalent and what you can do to cope — for your sake and your family’s.

What is ‘depleted mother syndrome’?

”Depleted mother syndrome” isn’t a recognized medical diagnosis. But it’s a term that’s become popular on social media to describe the very real burnout that parenthood can bring, especially in women.

“Women experience higher levels of stress and anxiety than men in their day-to-day decision-making,” Dr. Sullivan shares.

Men are more likely to base decisions on the facts and leave emotion out. Women, she says, typically make decisions based on both facts and emotion.

The emotional toll is compounded by trying to balance success at work, often being the primary caretaker for any children in the household, managing other family-related tasks and staying on top of housework... Mom burnout is real.

“Holding your to-do list in your head is exhausting, too, so the act of managing all of these tasks can be overwhelming, leading to burnout,” Dr. Sullivan states. “All that juggling and those mental exercises — and the guilt from not doing it perfectly — results in women experiencing burnout more often than men.

Still, it’s important to recognize that caregivers of any gender identity can experience these feelings of burnout. After all, raising little people can be really, really hard, especially when you’re also trying to manage your relationships, career, health and home. None of us is exempt from feelings of stress and overwhelm.

So, if you’re feeling these things but you’re not a mom? It’s OK. This article — and Dr. Sullivan’s guidance — are still intended for you.

Symptoms of mom burnout and how to recognize it

“Trying to do everything all the time leads to an imbalance that throws everything — including your emotions — out of whack,” Dr. Sullivan states. “If it goes on for long enough, it leads to burnout.”

The concept of burnout originally applied to job stress with three hallmark symptoms:

1. Lack of energy or exhaustion
2. Feelings of negativism or cynicism
3. Poor performance

But it might be a little tough to figure out how to apply those work-related burnout symptoms to your own life and the possibility of mom burnout. Here’s a look at how those symptoms could apply to you.

Lack of energy or exhaustion includes symptoms like:

• Physical exhaustion
• Mental fatigue
• Low energy
• Sleep problems
• Feeling like you’ve run out of bandwidth, like having anything else added to your to-do list might break you

Feelings of negativism or cynicism could include:

• Emotional ups and downs, like feeling sad, anxious and irritable
• Feeling short-tempered or angry, whether or not you express it to others
• Feeling resentful (toward your children, partner, etc.)
• Experiencing the stress and shame of “mom guilt”

Poor performance may include:

• Disconnecting from your social network or support system
• Losing interest in things you love
• Worrying a lot or feeling like you’re inadequate as a parent
• Withdrawing or disconnecting from other people
• Feeling like you’re “dropping the ball” in certain aspects of your life and responsibilities

How to deal with mom burnout

The first step to combating burnout, says Dr. Sullivan, is awareness.

“If you realize you have burnout — or are on the road to it — you need to find ways to manage it.”

Learn to live with the mess

“Social media gives us the idea that our house should look like an Instagram post,” recognizes Dr. Sullivan. “But sometimes, you have to accept that the dishes or vacuuming can be put off for a day, or that your child can just be comfy instead of stylish.”

As you put off sleep to fold yet another load of laundry, try to pause and ask yourself: Does this actually need to be done right now? Or in this moment, is prioritizing yourself and your needs more important?

Here’s another example: It might feel “messy” to host your child’s birthday party at the bowling alley rather than creating a supposed Pinterest-worthy superhero-themed bash with custom tee shirts. But let’s be honest: Your kid is going to have a ton of fun either way, and you’ll save yourself hours of unneeded stress.

Quit playing the comparison game

Just because your neighbor has a three-course meal on the table by 5:30 doesn’t mean you’re a failure if you serve cereal for dinner sometimes.

“Let go of the ‘Superwoman’ label,” advises Dr. Sullivan. “You’re spectacular in some areas of life, but accept that other areas are a work in progress — just like all of us.”

Guilt is what happens when we judge our lives based on what others do (or at least, pretend to do on social media), she adds. “In reality, we only need to do what’s right for us and our family.”

And sometimes? That means serving cereal or PB&J for dinner — yes that’s ok, and probably preferred by your child.

Just say no

The more you say “yes” to others, the more you’re saying “no” to yourself.

“Learn to re-evaluate your responsibilities and become OK with letting things go,” Dr. Sullivan encourages.

If you’re maxed out at work, let something else go, like not participating in this month’s book club or turning down a request to volunteer at an event at your kid’s school. At home, reevaluate your to-do list and consider outsourcing some of the house tasks to your partner, kids or a service, if that’s an option.

Remember: “No” is a complete sentence in and of itself. You don’t need to qualify your answer or give any rationale.

Breathe and move

The constant pressure from doing it all can result in too much of the stress hormone cortisol wreaking havoc on your body. This can cause memory deficiencies, mood swings and weight gain.

“Oxford’s 2024 word of the year was ‘brain rot,’” Dr. Sullivan shares, “referring to the fog that we feel because we use our phones too much.”

Counteract all of these negative effects through:

• Deep breathing. Take slow, deep, grounding breaths throughout the day. Breathwork techniques can help move your body into a more relaxed and stress-free state, too.
• Exercise. Whether you set aside time to go to the gym or just take the stroller around the block a few times, getting moving can help you destress, among other health benefits.
• Meditation. If you’ve never meditated, it might sound daunting or time-consuming. But there are so many types of meditation that one is sure to resonate with you. You can even do it as you fall asleep!

“These practices can all be very simple to bring into your everyday life and can go a long way for stress management,” Dr. Sullivan states.

Learn about conscious parenting

Conscious parenting is a practice that relies on mindfulness — being aware of who you are as a person and as a parent so you can act with intentionality.

“Mindfulness is a stress management technique where the goal is to stay in the present moment,” Dr. Sullivan explains. “You try not to look ahead to the future, where there could be anxiety, fear and uncertainty, or to the past, where we could see regret or remorse. It keeps you right where you are right now.”

Conscious parenting — and mindfulness practices in general — can help you feel less overwhelmed. If you’re not spiraling out about that to-do list, you can spend a moment ... well, in the moment.

Take time for yourself

“Time?!” you’re thinking. “What time?!” But if you don’t carve out time to take care of yourself, burnout will only persist — and worsen.

As a parent or caregiver, you’re responsible for a lot of scheduling and activities for others. Which can make it far too easy to make yourself the last priority.

“I remind patients that the flight attendant tells you to secure your mask before helping someone else,” Dr. Sullivan illustrates. “If you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll implode. You can’t do anything or take care of anyone if you’re passed out from exhaustion.”

Not sure where to start? Try these 17 tips for prioritizing self-care. Yes, even if you feel like you don’t have time. Especially then.

When to reach out for help

It’s time to put an end to your depleted mother syndrome. And often, that means asking for help.

That could include getting the family involved, especially if they don’t recognize the signs of your burnout. Get your kids to chip in with chores and assign your partner the grocery shopping. Take the burden off your shoulders and spread out the work.

It’s also important to develop and maintain meaningful relationships with family or friends — and not just on social media. Dedicate time to quality, face-to-face interactions, too.

But if you can’t figure out where to start, or if you can’t overcome burnout on your own, consider meeting with a professional. You can even look for a therapist who specializes in working with parents.

“A psychologist or social worker can help you put one foot in front of the other,” Dr. Sullivan affirms. “They can also more easily recognize signs of stress in women and guide you on how to recover from mom burnout.”