Signs You’re Struggling With Cognitive Dissonance

What is cognitive dissonance?

Cognitive dissonance is the discomfort you feel when you say something, do something or behave a certain way that goes against your values. This clash of beliefs and disruption of thought can also occur if you have two or more conflicting beliefs and you’re torn between them.

“If you believe in the benefits of recycling but you don’t have access to a recycling program in your community, this can cause you distress or discomfort because you have this value that’s important to you but you’re not participating in it,” illustrates psychologist Kia-Rai Prewitt, PhD.

Cognitive dissonance is that mental space of discomfort, angst, guilt or shame associated with the decisions you’re making or the beliefs you’re questioning. And it can occur with something as simple as recycling to more complicated behaviors and beliefs you’re struggling with, like quitting smoking, eating healthier or defining your sexual orientation and gender identity.

“When you’re consistently making choices that go against your beliefs, it can cause a lot of stress and unhappiness,” notes Dr. Prewitt. “You’re feeling this discomfort because you’re trying to figure it out and actively work through this conflict.”

And that’s not to say that cognitive dissonance is necessarily a bad thing: If you’re feeling discomfort about your actions or beliefs, it may be a sign that you need to check in with yourself. In essence, cognitive dissonance is a crossroad, and what you decide to do with those conflicting beliefs and behaviors will determine where you’re headed next and who you want to be.

Signs of cognitive dissonance

Some signs you may be experiencing cognitive dissonance include:

• Questioning or second-guessing your own decisions or beliefs.
• Experiencing discomfort because your values don’t coincide with your actions or your environment.
• Feeling guilt or shame related to your decisions or beliefs.
• Feeling like you’ve lost control of situations or events you care deeply about.
• Difficulty rationalizing or justifying your actions or the actions of others.
• Difficulty recognizing the person you’ve become and feeling a lost sense of self.
• Rationalizing the decisions you’ve made in order to feel better about them.

“If you value eating healthy, then one day, decide to eat a doughnut, you might rationalize why eating that doughnut is OK even though it goes against your values of eating healthy,” shares Dr. Prewitt.

“If you feel you have to justify those actions in order to be OK with them, or you’re carrying around guilt because of what you did, those are signs you’re having cognitive dissonance.”

Cognitive dissonance creates a lot of discomfort and doubt. It can feel a lot like anxiety and stress. When you’re stressed or anxious, your overall mental, emotional and physical health can be negatively impacted, even in the long term. As decision-making becomes ever more difficult, so, too, does your ability to think rationally or feel confident in your decisions.

“You may spend a lot of time worrying or reflecting on the conflict,” she continues. “If you’re stressed you may feel it in your body and have tension in your muscles or lower back.”

It can also further strain your relationships with others, especially if you’re having cognitive dissonance related to what someone else is saying or doing.

Cognitive dissonance examples

Some other examples of cognitive dissonance include:

• Your family is supportive of your decision to quit smoking. But one day, you’re super stressed. So, you sneak a cigarette when your family isn’t around because you don’t want to disappoint them. You experience cognitive dissonance because the actions you’ve taken make you feel guilty. By smoking, you’re convinced you’ve let your family down.
• You may want to start eating healthier, but you’ve heard healthy food is really expensive. So, you rely on fast food more often because it’s affordable and more accessible. If you feel stuck or ashamed of this decision or you feel conflicted about how you manage your meals, you’re dealing with cognitive dissonance.
• You’ve made a New Year’s resolution to exercise more. But 30 days later you stop going to the gym because you’re always tired after work and you have chores piling up at home. If you feel torn between your responsibilities and your desire to improve physically, and you’re rationalizing your choice to stay home, you’re experiencing cognitive dissonance. In reality, it’s OK to take a break. But you put pressure on yourself to “do the right thing.”

“Sometimes, working through cognitive dissonance is not about making the right or wrong decision. Sometimes, you may decide to do something that goes against a strongly held belief because of cognitive flexibility or because the behavior has low risk,” clarifies Dr. Prewitt.

For example, someone who believes in eating healthy may choose to eat dessert because they like dessert and eat healthy most of the time.

“In other situations, someone may not have the opportunity to make a decision that aligns with their values,” she adds. “For example, working parents may want to attend their children’s extra-curricular activities or chaperone field trips but they can’t because of their conflicting work schedule.”

Causes of cognitive dissonance

Cognitive dissonance can occur for several reasons, but perhaps some of the most common causes include the following:

Receiving new information

New information can shed a lot of light on how you really feel about a subject. It can also force you to confront things you may never have thought about before.

Let’s say you’ve been a longtime customer of a particular sandwich shop in your neighborhood, but one day, you realize that the shop’s owner has been confronted with allegations that they have poor business practices. You don’t like what you’re hearing, but it’s your favorite sandwich shop. Plus, it’s the closest restaurant within walking distance from your home, so you get lunch there anyway, despite what you’ve heard.

Then, the guilt sinks in whenever your friends or family talk about how bad the business is. You’re torn about being a continuing customer. Now, you have to decide: Do you support that business or do you take your business elsewhere?

“The same thing happens when we’re faced with whether or not we want to uphold stereotypes,” says Dr. Prewitt. “If you have a certain belief or uphold a negative stereotype about a group of people, but every time you interact with someone who is a member of that group, you have a positive experience, you may start having some discomfort around that belief. One of the options you have in dealing with that discomfort is to actually change your belief.”

Social pressures

You may also experience cognitive dissonance when you have situations where friends, family members or coworkers act a certain way that don’t align with your beliefs. You may be pressured into allowing those actions to continue or participate in those actions yourself — and that can leave you with some significant discomfort. So, you end up questioning exactly how you should feel about the situation.

“You may experience discomfort if a family member is in disagreement or opposition with your sexual orientation or your political beliefs and you have to face them during a holiday gathering,” poses Dr. Prewitt. “You may also experience discomfort at work if your company’s business practices don’t reflect your personal values.”

Being forced into a decision

When faced with conflict, you may experience cognitive dissonance if you decide to lessen potential conflict between you and other people, but it’s not necessarily a decision you fully believe in. When faced with a deadline, you could even cut corners to accomplish a task, but then experience discomfort when it’s done because, in reality, you value hard work. When you feel you’re not doing enough, you may then double down on doing better and eventually experience burnout.

“You’re more likely to feel guilty if you’re doing something that goes against your values,” notes Dr. Prewitt.

How to reduce cognitive dissonance

Here are some ways to make sure your actions and values are aligned so that you can minimize internal and external conflict when you have cognitive dissonance.

• Be assertive about your needs. Set healthy boundaries from the beginning and reinstate them if someone crosses a line. By being assertive about your values, you can minimize continued conflict from the start but also empower yourself to hold that space for your needs.
• Table the discussion and walk away if you need to. Sometimes, when you’re faced with difficult decisions in the moment, it’s best to take a break and revisit them later when all parties have processed what’s happened. This is especially true if you’re caught up in a toxic work environment and struggle to align your values with those of the company or supervisor you work for.
• Take action. Sometimes, new information leads to cognitive dissonance, but that also allows you to take new actions you may not have thought about taking before. For example, if you care about recycling but don’t have access to those services, you could advocate for it at city hall, create a community discussion about starting a recycling program or find a nearby recycling center to better align with your values.
• Challenge your beliefs. At the end of the day, it’s good to challenge what you believe. That’s how we grow and evolve into better people. When you discover new information and you’re faced with the uncomfortable decision to … well, make decisions, embracing a positive outlook can help you feel like you’re on the right track without compromising who you are as an individual.

“As young people evolve into adulthood, they often begin questioning what gives them meaning. Oftentimes, their values and beliefs are closely aligned with their parents or caregivers,” shares Dr. Prewitt.

“As they gain more independence, they realize some of those beliefs might be holding them back or don’t add up in the way they used to, so they start reevaluating their beliefs. That can be a positive thing.”