Friendship has a big impact on health and wellness, no matter your age or stage in life
One minute, you’re on the playground and everyone around you is a potential friend and tag partner. The next thing you know, socializing and making friends is at the bottom of your to-do list. And with a full-time job, kids and keeping other areas of your life afloat, it’s probably been a hot minute since you last made a new friend.
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It’s easy to say you don’t have time for friends or claim that new friends aren’t important to you, but the truth is, it’s pretty darn important. Why? Because friendship is good for us.
According to psychologist Scott Bea, PsyD, building and maintaining friendship is an important pillar of our health. Sure, there’s water, food and shelter, but relationships and companionship come in pretty close after that.
And friendship offers some impressive health benefits, like low blood pressure, less stress, less risk of having obesity and lower levels of depression — and it can even prolong your life span.
“The No. 1 predictor of happiness is close relationships with family and friends,” says Dr. Bea. “Happiness is never going to be a thing. Oftentimes, people think it’s a house, a job or a car, but people and relationships are what matters in the end.”
Dr. Bea shares tips on how to make new friends as an adult.
Just as making friends was important when you were little, so is making friends as an adult. There’s research that points to the importance of making friends later in life and how it affects you physically and mentally as you age.
But where and how do you actually make new friends as an adult?
“You’re going to find varying social comfort levels between people,” says Dr. Bea. “Some people meet others easily and are very open, and then there are some people who are socially anxious and shy. Making friends requires risk from both types of people.”
How you’ve recovered from rejection in the past may dictate how easily you make friends and connections in the present. Are you guarded? Or are you willing to be a bit more vulnerable so someone can get to know you?
Dr. Bea shares some insight about new friendships:
“Some people are socially anxious and hate small talk, but small talk is a necessary part of meeting someone for the first time,” recognizes Dr. Bea. “It’s like dipping your toe in water. Rarely do you jump right in before testing the water.”
For those who are a bit shy, Dr. Bea suggests starting small. The more things you’re willing to try and the more you’re willing to be uncomfortable, the sooner you’re going to find something that works. Develop a strategy to challenge your anxious behavior. It might feel a little risky at first, but remember that friendship and connection take effort and exercise.
“There’s very little risk in talking to just about anyone. One thing people can try is speaking to strangers a bit more commonly. You can talk to almost anyone in an elevator.”
If someone is walking by and you notice something about them that jumps out to you, offer a compliment. Or set a daily goal to greet at least five people you wouldn’t normally.
Run experiments and start to formulate ways to talk to people and make connections, suggests Dr. Bea. Speak to the grocery clerk and use their name. Compliment someone’s tattoo and ask the story behind it. Smile and say hello to someone in the hallway. People like praising comments and like to be noticed.
So, that person you keep seeing at the gym wearing your favorite band shirt? Mention you’re also a fan. Then, the next time you see them, smile and say hello again.
Over time, you’ll start to build confidence by putting yourself out there. As you get more comfortable using these strategies, start to use them in areas you are more frequently — like the gym, in the cafeteria, at the dog park or taking a walk in your neighborhood. Before you know it, friendships will abound!
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