Meet Your Inner Child

Imagine coming face-to-face with a time-traveling 5-year-old version of yourself. What would they say about their needs and desires? What hurts them, scares them or disappoints them? If they were upset, would you hug them or dismiss them?

And how would a conversation with this younger version of yourself change if you were confronted with who you were at age 10, 12 or even 16? What do they care about? What defines them?

Truth is, we all have an inner child — an internal reflection of the values and beliefs we’ve held onto since childhood. As we grow up, we hold onto what mattered most when we were younger. And if our inner child has unresolved childhood trauma, those past experiences can have a way of impacting you in your present day.

Psychologist Susan Albers, PsyD, explains just what your inner child represents and how you can pinpoint whether or not you’ve got unfinished business from your past.

What is your inner child?

According to famed psychologist Carl Jung, our inner child is the part of our subconscious mind that’s the driving force behind many of our emotions and gut reactions. That’s because the positive and negative experiences we have when we’re children and our feelings about those experiences tend to define our internalized belief system that we carry with us into adulthood.

“Between the ages of 0 and 8, we have this very egocentric view of our world that everything relates to us,” shares Dr. Albers. “So, when things happen in the world, we interpret that it has to do with us and our intrinsic value.”

Take, for example, a parent who’s critical of our weight. Instead of chalking it up to the parent passing unfair judgment, we might internalize those experiences as proof that we are unlovable, not thin enough or not good enough.

Of course, those internalized beliefs couldn’t be further from the truth. But they can become ingrained in our subconscious mind. In fact, they can become so much of a part of our identity that they can affect everything we say and do as adults — including how we view ourselves, how we feel about our bodies and even the kinds of food we eat or avoid.

“The critical voice of a parent from our past can become the voice in our head that drives us to restrict, binge or engage in other harmful behaviors around food and our bodies,” explains Dr. Albers. “Understanding and healing this inner child is often a crucial step in recovering from eating disorders and building a healthier relationship with ourselves.”

Signs your inner child is wounded

Depending on your own personal triggers and past experiences, your inner child can manifest in a few different ways, particularly if it’s wounded. Often, some connection exists between our patterns of behavior and our reactions we have in response to our wounded inner child.

Some of the most common signs your inner child needs healing include:

• Unresolved emotions.
• Negative self-talk and self-criticism.
• Feelings of abandonment or rejection.
• Low self-esteem.
• Difficulty setting boundaries.
• Increased feelings of guilt, shame or regret.
• Frequent conflict in relationships or the need to avoid relationships entirely.
• Unhealthy coping mechanisms.
• Participating in people-pleasing activities while ignoring your needs.
• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
• Addiction.
• Anxiety.
• Depression and other mental health issues.

“A wounded inner child can lead to depression and anxiety, but it can also be the reverse as well,” adds Dr. Albers. “Depression and anxiety can exacerbate and bring to the surface some of those inner child wounds.”

Why your inner child manifests in the present day

It can be hard to let go of the past, especially if we have unresolved issues. If we’ve never fully processed what’s happened to us and we avoid those experiences entirely, they can have a way of creeping in and impacting our physical, mental and emotional health.

In turn, our inner child manifests whenever our current experiences trigger those unprocessed feelings, having a huge impact on how we see ourselves and the way we interact with other people.

So, if you grew up in a home where you felt abandoned or neglected, those feelings of neglect could easily be triggered by something so simple as being left on read and not getting a text back when you’re texting your romantic partner. As a result, you may experience extreme anger, sadness or anxiety because the non-response feels like being left behind when you were young. If you react by yelling at your partner for not texting you back or you become passive-aggressive, that’s likely your inner child who’s responding — not you with your learned, adult wisdom — and it’s a sign you could benefit from healing your inner child.

“You can often spot when your inner child is triggered because the pain doesn’t match the pinch,” explains Dr. Albers. “The reaction you’re having is much bigger than what the situation calls for. That’s a red flag that you’re not reacting to the actual incident; you’re reacting to your inner child showing up and interpreting the situation in a specific way.”