Are You Crashing Out?

Bad days happen. Traffic jams, rude customers and minor inconveniences can come out of nowhere and test anyone’s patience. But if a small frustration triggers a full-blown emotional meltdown, you may be crashing out.

Psychologist Chivonna Childs, PhD, explains what causes a crash out and how to prevent it from affecting your relationships, work and reputation.

What does it mean to ‘crash out’?

A “crash out” is a slang term for what happens when stress, frustration or other difficult emotions boil over into an intense emotional outburst or impulsive reaction. Instead of taking a step back, you lash out, make a rash decision or otherwise react in a way you might later regret.

Years ago, people used “crash out” to describe falling asleep after extreme exhaustion. Today, thanks to social media, the phrase has taken on a new meaning.

“Crash outs can happen at any time or any place,” says Dr. Childs. “Something big or small happens, and you let everyone see just how upset you are.”

It’s more than just feeling annoyed or having a bad day. It’s screaming at the waiter or flipping a table when they get your order wrong. It’s quitting your job without any backup plan. Or it’s snapping at someone you love when they ask you a simple question.

“Back in the day, before we called it crashing out, we said we were ‘losing it’,” explains Dr. Childs. “Something that may seem small to other people feels like a big deal for you. It makes everything worse and you just let it out without thinking about the consequences.”

Dr. Childs also notes that it’s not the same as having psychosis — what people tend to call a ‘psychotic break.’

“A psychotic break involves seeing or hearing things that aren’t there,” she clarifies. “Crashing out is more about being so overwhelmed and stressed that your nervous system feels like it can’t take anymore.”

Signs you’re crashing out can include:

• Intense mood swings
• Increased irritability or anger
• Emotional outbursts
• Impulsive or reckless decisions
• Momentary dissociation or forgetfulness
• Racing thoughts
• Increased anxiety
• Social isolation

It may even cause sudden physical symptoms, like:

• Increased heart rate
• Muscle tension in your neck, shoulders or back
• Headaches
• Nausea

Why does it happen?

With a crash out, there’s usually more going on behind the scenes than whatever triggered it. Often, emotions have been building beneath the surface for days, weeks or even months.

“We bottle things up. We let stress pile up. People treat us badly and we push it down and keep going until we’ve absolutely had it,” describes Dr. Childs. “Then, what should be a small thing becomes the last straw.”

Often, crash outs happen because of several factors:

• Difficulty processing emotions: Some people have trouble recognizing and managing strong emotions before they reach a boiling point.
• Chronic stress: Ongoing pressures at work, school or home can leave your nervous system on constant alert, causing increased anxiety and irritation.
• Poor sleep: When you’re exhausted, even minor inconveniences can feel much bigger than they really are.
• Learned behavior: If you grew up around people who often exploded in anger or frustration, you may have learned that crashing out is a normal response to stress.
• Mental health conditions: Anxiety disorders, depression, trauma-related conditions and other mental health concerns can make emotions harder to manage.

Over time, anger can become the default emotion, making it harder to think clearly or act rationally.

“Rage isn’t really rational,” clarifies Dr. Childs. “When you’re raging out, you don’t care in the moment what happens or how it’s going to affect other people. You scream, you cry, you throw things and break things. And that impulsivity can damage relationships if we’re not careful.”

How to recover from a crash out

Improving your awareness is key to recovering from a crash out.

“If you’re aware that you’re crashing out, then you can also have the wherewithal to tell yourself to calm down, step back from the situation and take deep breaths,” notes Dr. Childs.

If you’re in the middle of a crash out, or you feel it’s about to happen, try to:

• Remove yourself from the situation. Walk away, put the phone down or excuse yourself.
• Take several slow, deep breaths and plant your feet firmly on the floor.
• Ground yourself in your surroundings: What can you hear, feel, see, taste or touch?
• Call a trusted friend or loved one and talk about your feelings.
• Give yourself time to cool down before reacting further.
• Make time for self-care: Take a walk, get some rest, go to a rage room or do something you love.

“The goal is to help your nervous system calm down so that you can think with a clearer head,” says Dr. Childs.

When you’re ready, some self-reflection can help. Ask yourself:

• What was I feeling?
• What triggered this reaction?
• Have I felt this way before?
• Were there warning signs I missed?
• What can I do differently next time?

“Look at what caused the crash out and really think about everything that you felt and did,” she recommends. “The next time those emotions come up, you’ll be able to recognize them sooner and respond to them quicker in a more manageable way.”

Preventing crash outs in the future

Nobody manages stress perfectly. But there are ways to reduce your chances of crashing out — and the more you work on it, the easier it can be to prevent it.

Here’s what Dr. Childs recommends for preventing future crash outs:

• Identify your emotional triggers.
• Find ways to soothe yourself and take breaks when stress starts building.
• Get enough sleep so you feel fully rested.
• Practice healthy coping skills.
• Talk through problems before they become overwhelming.
• Make time for activities that help you decompress.

And if it continues, it may be time to seek professional support.

“If it’s happening often and impacting your life, a licensed therapist can help you process what’s happening and help you dig through whatever’s causing it,” advises Dr. Childs. “When we have a trusted person we can talk to, when we name our emotions, sit with them, breathe and experience what’s happening, it can be a lot easier to manage it.”

Keep your cool

Everyone reaches their breaking point. But crashing out doesn’t have to be your default response when life gets tough.

“Three-year-olds crash out all the time over small things, but there are healthier ways to manage what you’re feeling without hurting yourself or others,” encourages Dr. Childs. “It’s OK to scream when you’re frustrated. Roll up your car window and let it out. But then ask yourself how you can move forward in a better way.”