Why Parasocial Relationships Feel So Real

Are you a “Swiftie” poring over every line of Taylor Swift’s music catalogue to find the one lyric that relates to you? Are you so invested in Love Island that you’re unable to go about your day when your preferred player gets dumped? Are you always quick to defend your favorite athlete whenever someone criticizes them online?

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If these scenarios seem familiar, you may be in at least one parasocial relationship. But is that good or bad? And how common are these one-sided relationships?

Clinical psychologist Adam Borland, PsyD, pulls back the curtain on parasocial relationships, explaining why they happen and what makes them healthy or unhealthy.

What is a parasocial relationship?

Parasocial relationships are defined as one-sided emotional relationships or bonds with people you don’t actually know. These kinds of relationships foster a sense of familiarity, intimacy and connection even when the other person doesn’t know you exist. People often create these kinds of bonds with celebrities they see regularly on TV or on social media.

“It’s more than just being a fan,” says Dr. Borland. “Parasocial relationships often include strong, one-sided feelings of identification and emotional connection.”

Modern technology makes it easier than ever to form parasocial relationships.

“Social media provides constant exposure and access to public figures and celebrities, which can create an unrealistic sense of intimacy and perceived connection,” he adds.

Examples of parasocial relationships

Things people may say when they're in a parasocial relationship

Being a fan is one thing. But if you find that these one-sided relationships are having a larger effect on how you feel or live your life, you may be caught in a parasocial relationship.

You can tell you’re in a parasocial relationship if you:

Spend a lot of time following their content and life updates
Adopt their style, habits or opinions
Feel emotionally invested in their life
Feel like you know them on a personal level
Think about them throughout the day
See them as a close friend, soulmate or role model
Feel disappointed or betrayed when they do something you don’t like
Struggle to control your thoughts or feelings about them
Have trouble focusing on work, school and other relationships because of them

Impacts of a one-sided parasocial relationship

Parasocial relationships can be good or bad for your health. They might help you feel more connected to others who share the same interests. Or they could feel overwhelming and disrupt your ability to live your life fully.

Dr. Borland explores the pros and cons of parasocial interactions and what they could mean for you.

Benefits of parasocial relationships

Parasocial relationships can have value. They may:

Inspire you to do good: Your favorite athlete might inspire you to go to the gym, or your favorite actor can motivate you to be more confident in social settings.
Ease loneliness: The sense of connection, comfort and companionship can help you overcome isolation and social anxiety, especially during difficult times.
Be validating: It helps knowing you’re not alone when you see someone speak about important matters or share similar experiences you’ve gone through.
Connect you with others: Sharing admiration for a public figure often brings people together over common interests, fostering new, real-world relationships.
Limit stress: They provide the same emotional benefits as socializing, without the anxiety or fear that can sometimes come with putting yourself out there.

Negative aspects of parasocial relationships

Parasocial relationships can also cause harm and worsen mental health issues. The worst outcome of an unhealthy parasocial relationship is violence — directed against yourself or others. But there are a lot of other signs of unhealthy parasocial relationships, too.

Parasocial relationships may be a problem if they:

Isolate you: Neglecting your needs or other relationships for a parasocial connection can lead to increased feelings of loneliness and disconnection.
Cause distress: You may feel unusually upset when a public figure makes a personal decision you disagree with or when others criticize them.
Blur boundaries: If you’re feeling entitled to a celeb’s time or attention, it might normalize stalking, harassing and other boundary-breaking behaviors.
Become all-consuming: You might blow your budget on every new product they put out or you could lose track of priorities by hyperfocusing on their content.
Foster unrealistic expectations: Your idea of perfection might cause dissatisfaction when real-world relationships aren’t as intense or fulfilling.

When to break up a parasocial relationship

If you’ve concluded that your parasocial attachment is unhealthy, it may be time for a “breakup.” Here’s what helps when you’re trying to leave a parasocial relationship.

Be honest with yourself. Are you lonely? Are you sad? Do you feel like this relationship is the only good thing in your life? Admitting these can be hard, but Dr. Borland stresses that it’s an important first step.
Re-establish healthy boundaries. Give that concert ticket to a friend. Take down the posters. Just say “no” to more merch. Moving on means limiting parasocial interactions until you feel good enough to be on your own without all of it.
Take a social media break. If you can’t break your social media habit completely, consider blocking or unfollowing the person in question. Or reconfigure your social media feed so it’s more positive.
Focus on your real-life relationships. Having a busy calendar will make it easier to move past a parasocial fixation. That could look like reaching out to forgotten friends, volunteering at a community center or joining a book club.
Get unbiased advice from a therapist. A mental health professional can help you figure out what’s driving your fixation, determine any underlying issues that may need to be addressed and teach you healthier coping skills.

Relationships often end, including parasocial ones. And the process of mourning those losses can look surprisingly similar. The key is giving yourself the time and space to heal from that loss so you can move forward with more positive relationships.

“I think it’s important to allow for a period of adjustment,” Dr. Borland advises. “Allow for the sense of loss, sadness and disappointment just as though it were a close, personal relationship.”