How To Heal When You’re Lovesick

Love can be a wonderful experience. But when relationships don’t go the way we expected, we can end up feeling lonely, defeated and even physically ill. From Shakespeare’s sonnets to modern-day romance novels, this phenomenon, often referred to as “lovesickness,” has been a familiar concept for centuries. While it certainly sounds poetic, lovesickness can have a real and profound impact on both your mind and body.

Registered psychotherapist Natacha Duke, MA, RP, does a deep dive on lovesickness, looking at its various symptoms, along with sharing some strategies you can use to overcome it.

What is lovesickness?

Lovesickness refers to the cluster of extremely negative emotional feelings and physical symptoms that can surface when you’re unable to be with the person you love. People who are lovesick have a really difficult time tolerating the distance from their loved ones, regardless of the reasons behind the disconnection.

“You can experience lovesickness as a result of a death, a breakup, being ghosted, having a long-distance relationship or unrequited love,” says Duke. “Often with lovesickness, there is a relationship of some sort with true feelings of love and attraction.”

As love is a very subjective experience, anyone can feel lovesickness, including those who have been married for years or anyone who experiences strong romantic emotions for someone they’ve known for only a brief amount of time. Experts say lovesickness is similar to limerence but different, in that limerence is often based on obsession, while lovesickness is often rooted in real relationships.

Some people are more inclined to have lovesickness, too, if they have a:

• Fear of abandonment
• Negative attachment style, like an avoidant or anxious attachment
• Pre-existing mental health conditions, like depression or anxiety

Symptoms of being lovesick

Lovesickness involves a wide variety of symptoms, ranging from intense emotions to physical ailments, including:

• Loneliness
• Mood swings
• Ruminating thoughts
• Hyper-fixation
• Lack of motivation
• Insomnia
• Dizziness or disorientation
• Nausea or upset stomach
• Stress-induced physical reactions, like cardiomyopathy or broken heart syndrome

“Any kind of stress can have a profound impact on your body,” shares Duke. “From a behavioral perspective, there’s also a wide stretch of behaviors people turn to when they’re lovesick.”

Some common and more concerning behavioral patterns associated with lovesickness include:

• Self-isolation
• Catastrophizing
• Preoccupying yourself with the lost relationship
• Constantly seeking reassurance from others
• Excessively calling or texting the person you love
• Stalking
• Self-harm

How to cure lovesickness

Healing from lovesickness after the loss of a loved one, quite often, simply takes time.

“One would assume that at some point, after a period of mourning, you will adjust to this loss of a loved one,” notes Duke. “But if someone isn’t recalibrating or adjusting to these changes, we would call that complicated grief because we never really know how we’re going to handle the nature of that loss.”

When you’re having a hard time getting yourself out of the muck, try distracting yourself by:

• Finding a new hobby
• Socializing with friends
• Embracing other healthy coping mechanisms

“We don’t want to rely solely on distraction because then you’re suppressing your feelings and thoughts,” clarifies Duke. “It’s important, too, to have an outlet for your feelings because we often say that the only way through grief is to feel it.”

Express your feelings, thoughts and experiences on paper or share them with your friends or family. Talking to a therapist can also help improve your awareness about the situation and help you find ways to cope with emotional stress.

“Human beings need a witness to their life, so it can be helpful to find someone who can sit with you in your pain, who can be there for you if you wanted to talk or not talk,” she adds. “Having someone to care for you through your difficulty can be really healing.”

Is being lovesick real?

Lovesickness isn’t a medical diagnosis, but it can still have a deep impact on your mind and body because of the emotional stress and physical symptoms associated with the loss of a loved one.

“When a person isn’t with the person they love, there is physical evidence that there are functional changes we go through because of emotional stress,” says Duke. “There is enough evidence and recognition that these behavioral and physical changes are very real for the person who’s experiencing them.”

If you’re having a hard time getting the closure you need, talk to a therapist who can work with you to help identify possible solutions and any behavioral patterns that aren’t serving you in a healthy way.