Understanding Battered Woman Syndrome

“Battered woman syndrome” is the terminology that’s often used to describe why people stay with an abusive partner.

One in three women in the U.S. has been abused by an intimate partner. And for most, the abuse doesn’t stop after the first time. It’s estimated that 77% are abused repeatedly by that same person.

We talked with psychologist Kia-Rai Prewitt, PhD, about battered woman syndrome — what it is and how it explains the tremendous challenges of leaving an abusive partner.

What is battered woman syndrome?

Battered woman syndrome is “the psychological effects of experiencing persistent domestic or intimate partner violence,” as described by the American Psychological Association.

Put simply, it describes the trauma and mental health effects of living with abuse at the hands of an intimate partner. Those effects can help to explain what it’s like to live with abuse. They also show why people stay, even when it’s not safe.

“Often, when people learn that a loved one is or has been abused, they can’t wrap their head around why they stay in that relationship,” Dr. Prewitt shares. “The truth is that leaving an abuser is complex and often very dangerous.”

Battered woman syndrome can happen to people who face any form of domestic violence. That includes physical, emotional, psychological, verbal and sexual abuse.

It’s not an official diagnosis. But it often happens alongside other conditions, like:

• Post-traumatic stress disorder
• Depression
• Anxiety

And while the term implies that women are the only ones affected, that’s not the case.

“Women are more likely to be abused, even killed, by an intimate partner than are men. But intimate partner violence can happen to anyone, regardless of your sex, sexual orientation, age or background,” Dr. Prewitt emphasizes.

That’s why you may also hear the term “battered person syndrome.”

Signs and symptoms of battered woman syndrome

There are some signs that can signal that you or a loved one is experiencing battered woman syndrome.

If you’re concerned about yourself or a loved one, Dr. Prewitt suggests considering these signs of domestic abuse:

• Fear: Healthy relationships don’t leave you feeling like you’re walking on eggshells. If you live in fear of your abuser and what they’re capable of, that’s not OK.
• Lack of control: Sure, a healthy partnership doesn't have to be exactly 50-50 all the time. But if one partner has the deciding vote (or the only vote) in every decision, something is amiss.
• Isolation: People living in abusive relationships often see less of their friends, families and other loved ones. Sometimes, the abuser demands it. Other times, they pull away due to misplaced feelings of guilt or shame.
• Missing work or other obligations: Protecting yourself and your children becomes the priority. That’s why people being abused may miss work or cancel plans often — to try to keep the peace at home.
• Physical signs of abuse: Not all abuse can be seen, but physical abuse can leave noticeable marks. People who are being abused may try to hide marks of violence with sunglasses or long sleeves, high collars and pants. Or they may explain away injuries by claiming they were accidents.
• Psychological effects: You may notice that people who are being abused are affected in ways that change their personality and their mental health. They may experience depression, anxiety, guilt, shame, low self-confidence or self-worth, and more.

Keep in mind that not everyone experiences or copes with abuse in the same way. It’s a trauma response, and that can look different for different people.

And not everyone who’s abused by an intimate partner gets battered woman syndrome.

Why battered woman syndrome happens

Abusers cause battered woman syndrome. Period. Hard stop. People who are abused aren’t to blame for the abuse. And they aren’t at fault for the ways they attempt to cope with trauma.

But it can be more likely to affect some targets of abuse more than others.

“Some people recognize when they’re in an unhealthy or abusive relationship early on and have the opportunity to leave and never look back,” Dr. Prewitt notes. “Not everyone has that chance.”

Your circumstances, past experiences and support systems all make a difference. Because not every person who’s abused believes they can leave safely — and they may not realize they need to.

Abuse isn’t always obvious

Sometimes, people who are targets of abuse don’t see that what they’re experiencing isn’t healthy.

“If you don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like, it can be tough to identify abusive behaviors,” Dr. Prewitt states. “Or if you’ve lived through physical abuse in the past, you may rationalize that your partner’s emotional abuse feels relatively safe in comparison.”

What’s more, abuse often happens gradually. Just like you may not notice that your bangs are growing until they’re getting in your eyes when you blink, abusive behaviors can be slow to reveal themselves.

“Often, by the time you realize what’s happening, you can be in it deep,” she adds.

The Domestic Violence Hotline has resources dedicated to helping people identify and understand abuse.

Financial dependence

Abusers can control everything in their partner’s life, and money can be at the top of the list.

That’s on purpose.

Without access to money, leaving becomes less of an option. If you can’t feed yourself or your children, get transportation or secure safe housing, you’re going to be more likely to stay.

Threats

Abusers may threaten violence. They may say they’ll hurt you, your children, pets or anyone else close to you. They may gaslight you into believing you’re the one at fault. They may threaten to share damaging information or photos.

“Their threats add up so much that you may not tell anybody what’s happening because you’re afraid that if you do, it’ll get back to your abuser and then they’ll harm you,” Dr. Prewitt recognizes.

Hope for the future

Intimate partner violence tends to happen in stages of abuse:

1. Tensions escalate.
2. Abuse happens.
3. Abusers apologize and vow it will never happen again.
4. Things remain calm for a while before the cycle starts again.

This pattern can make it harder to see the relationship for what it truly is.

During calm times, people may believe — or desperately want to believe — that things have changed. They may mistake a break in the cycle or acts of love bombing as a new, safe, healthy chapter of their relationship and abandon plans for making a new start on their own.

But then, the cycle starts again.

Lack of a support system

Abusers can systematically remove any safety net to purposely make it harder for their target to leave the relationship.

“If you don’t have people in your life that you can trust and who can help you get out safely, leaving the abuser can feel like a bigger risk than staying,” Dr. Prewitt notes.

Having friends and family who will help you means you may have a place to stay, access to necessities and emotional support to make the transition feasible. On your own, it can become too daunting to consider.

Seeking help

Ending an abusive relationship can be much easier said than done, but it’s absolutely necessary for your safety and well-being. You deserve a better life.

But timing and planning matter immensely.

“Statistically, when someone tries to leave a violent relationship, it can be one of the most dangerous times for them,” Dr. Prewitt reports. “It’s not a reason to stay. But it’s definitely a reason to take steps to ensure your safety.”

The Domestic Violence Hotline has resources to help you plan a future of safety. That includes plans for your:

• Personal safety
• Children’s safety and support
• Pet’s safety
• Internet safety, like keeping the abuser from being able to track you or access your email and social media accounts

To contact the Domestic Violence Hotline:

• Calling 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
• Texting “START” to 88788
• Chatting with a person or an AI chatbot

If you’re looking for support closer to home, you can also check out their directory of local support services, like shelters, crisis needs and mental health care providers.

Battered woman syndrome is real. And it’s all too common. There may not be an easy way out — but there is a way forward. And you don’t have to take that first step alone.