How To Help Your Kid Deal With School Stress

Being a student is tough these days. Kids aren’t just juggling academics, activities and friendships. They’re also contending with scary news stories and big concerns about the future. And they’re doing it in a fishbowl, thanks to the 24/7 connection social media provides.

It’s little wonder kids can feel anxious about school. Psychologist Susan Albers, PsyD, describes it as the “perfect storm of pressure.”

Dr. Albers shares red flags that your child is struggling, as well as five tips to help them manage school stress.

5 coping mechanisms for school stress

“School stress doesn’t end when your child leaves the building,” Dr. Albers says. “It follows them home.” It can take many forms, including mood swings, behavior issues, physical symptoms and more.

The good news is that you can help your child manage their stress in a healthy way.

Here are some coping mechanisms Dr. Albers recommends to dial down the anxiety.

1. Connect the dots

When your kid’s busy trying out for the team, finding a prom dress or finishing that college application, “slow down” isn’t super helpful advice. Instead, help them understand how stress management techniques help them achieve their goals.

“If your kid’s overly worried about their grades, let them know that stress takes up working memory and affects knowledge retrieval,” Dr. Albers says.

Recognizing that those all-nighters, caffeine pills and panic attacks could be making them less effective might be the push they need to make some changes.

2. Evaluate what matters today

Helping your child focus on the present moment can make a difference when they feel overwhelmed by schoolwork, household chores, social obligations and extracurricular activities.

“To start, help them sort their tasks into three categories: now, next and later,” Dr. Albers advises. “What truly needs attention today? What should come next? And what can be moved to later, delegated or taken off the list?”

Once you’ve made the list, help them break the most important task into small steps.

“This approach helps them develop time-management skills,” she explains.

3. Work on boundary-setting

Boundary-setting is an important skill to learn as you grow up. Work with your child to come up with a list of protective routines or “well-being anchors” — the things they must do to keep their life in balance, no matter how stressful school gets. Examples include:

• Getting at least eight hours of sleep
• Sitting down for a family dinner once a week
• Spending some quality time at the piano or the gym
• Setting aside half an hour to read for fun before bed
• Fitting in a 10-minute game of fetch with the family dog after school

Constants like these can serve as an emotional anchor when school is at its most chaotic.

4. Find new ways to take a break

It’s not just a kid thing. Many of us treat scrolling social media as a way to decompress during the day. But Dr. Albers says it often makes you feel worse.

“Upsetting world events, emails from teachers and constant connection with your peers can really exacerbate stress,” she notes. “Social media can quickly become another space where you feel measured, compared and evaluated.”

Encourage your child to find a mindfulness practice that works for them. Meditation, making art and watching ASMR videos are just a few of the many options that can help stifle stress and bring their focus to the present moment.

5. Keep calm

“Children often take emotional cues from the adults around them,” Dr. Albers explains. “You don’t have to be perfectly calm. But when you pause, steady yourself and respond thoughtfully, you help your child’s nervous system settle, too.”

If chronic stress is an issue for you, too, let your child catch you working on it (and asking for help when you need it).

It can also be helpful to build a support network of adults they feel safe talking to.

“Having an adult in your kid’s life who can regulate their own nervous system can make a big difference,” she adds.

When to seek professional help

As a parent, it can be hard to know whether your child’s stress levels are too high. After all, school is supposed to be challenging.

“Some stress is necessary to motivate students and prepare them for adulthood,” Dr. Albers says. “But if their stress response — fight, flight, freeze or appease — is activated too frequently or for too long, their body and brain won’t have time to recover. That’s when school stress starts taking a physical and psychological toll.”

Dr. Albers advises talking to their pediatrician or a therapist about:

• Mood changes: If you notice your child crying more often or not taking pleasure in the things they used to enjoy, that’s a red flag that school stress may be getting to them. Ditto if they’re irritable, withdrawn, numb or worrying too much.
• Perfectionist tendencies: Perfectionism may sound like a good thing, but it’s often tied to low self-worth, people-pleasing and fear of making mistakes. Dr. Albers describes it as an “appease” response to chronic stress at school. Procrastination — also a perfectionist behavior — is a common “freeze” response.
• Confidence issues: Does your child need frequent reassurance? Are they overly focused on their grades, appearance or popularity? Do they often compare themselves to their peers? Low self-esteem may reflect increasing stress at school.
• School avoidance: Dr. Albers says cutting classes, reporting physical symptoms and repeatedly asking to stay home are common responses to school stress. “It’s an example of the flight response in action,” she explains.
• Performance issues: It’s common to think of bad grades as a sign of school stress. And they can be. But the reverse is true, too. “Student stress is often masked by good grades,” Dr. Albers reports.
• Behavior changes: Some signs of school stress are easy to spot, like hanging out with risky people, using substances or getting into trouble — the “fight” response. But subtle shifts in eating, sleeping and hygiene habits can be just as telling.
• Frequent illnesses: Chronic stress can do a number on your immune system. It can also cause symptoms like headaches, rashes and stomach trouble. If your kid is getting sick more often, it could be a sign that their stress levels are too high.
• Talk of self-harm: “If there’s any talk of suicide or self-harm, it’s critical to connect with a mental health professional immediately,” Dr. Albers urges.

You can’t make school stress-free for your kid. But you can help them learn how to cope — and remind them that it’s OK to ask for help.