Understanding Attachment Theory and Its Stages

Decades of research show that your earliest emotional bonds can directly affect the health of your future relationships. It’s called attachment theory, and it’s just one tool we can use to better understand why we behave the way we do with the people we love.

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“Your attachment style from your infancy can influence your relationships with others,” says clinical psychologist Coda Derrig, PhD. “But there are a lot of other factors at play, too. We all have multiple experiences that influence our ability to form healthy relationships over time.”

Let’s take a closer look at attachment theory and why it matters.

What is attachment theory?

Attachment theory is a framework that describes the bond between a baby and their primary caregiver — it’s critical for the baby’s survival and lays the foundation for their emotional and social development later on. A secure attachment can mean better adult relationships. Insecure attachments can lead to troubles with future relationships.

“Attachment theory helps us understand the deep link between early caregiving and lifelong emotional health,” Dr. Derrig explains.

Let’s take a look at the history.

British psychoanalyst and psychiatrist John Bowlby first introduced the idea of attachment theory. Dr. Bowlby’s research in the 1950s and 1960s suggested that a child’s relationship with their primary caregiver was of utmost importance for their future development.

Building on that theory, developmental psychologist Mary Ainsworth designed a 1969 experiment called the Strange Situation, which looked at how babies reacted when their mother left a room.

The baby’s reaction to their parent’s departure and return says a lot about how the baby is used to their caregiver attending to their needs, Dr. Derrig notes. And those experiences as youngsters are likely to affect their behaviors as adults.

Based on that study, four attachment styles were identified:

Secure attachment
Anxious attachment
Avoidant attachment
Disorganized attachment

How attachments are formed

Attachment theory says that the first two years of a baby’s life are the critical time for forming their attachment style.

Secure attachment is the goal, Dr. Derrig notes: “Babies who form secure attachments to their primary caregiver are more likely to become adults who confidently seek out healthy relationships with others and are reliable and loving partners themselves.”

The other three styles are called “insecure attachment styles” and can negatively affect future relationships.

Here’s how the four styles develop.

Secure attachment is the result of a caregiver consistently responding to their baby’s needs. The baby learns that the world is safe and people can be trusted.
Anxious attachment can happen when a baby’s primary caregiver is inconsistent in meeting their needs. The baby learns that they may or may not get what they need, so they aren’t easily comforted.
Avoidant attachment is most likely to form when a caregiver doesn’t provide a baby with enough emotional support. The caregiver’s responsiveness mostly ends with caring for the baby’s physical needs, like feeding and bathing.
Disorganized attachment often forms through a particularly tumultuous childhood — often one marked by fear or trauma.

Stages of attachment

Dr. Bowlby suggested that attachment is built in four stages:

Pre-attachment (birth to 6 weeks): Infants don’t have a preference for any particular person.
Attachment-in-the-making (6 weeks to 7 months): Baby starts to recognize and prefer familiar people but will accept care from others.
Clear-cut attachment (7 to 24 months): Baby forms a stronger attachment for a primary caregiver and prefers them to all others. This is often the high point of separation anxiety.
Reciprocal relationship (24 months+): Toddlers begin to understand that caregivers have needs and feelings, too, and that their absence is temporary. They also begin to form relationships with other people.

Other attachment experts have suggested different phases with other names and slightly different timeframes. But the idea remains the same: The relationships young babies and toddlers develop with their caregivers set the stage for their future development.

Why attachment style matters

Your attachment style — and how it meshes with your partner’s style — can have a hefty impact on your ability to develop healthy and loving relationships and friendships. It can also influence how well you trust others.

Research has shown that attachment styles can affect:

Communication between partners
The risk of relationship violence
Overall marriage quality
How you form relationships with your own children, leading to generational effects

A secure attachment in your toddler years doesn’t guarantee happily ever after. And an insecure attachment doesn’t have to be your destiny either. People — and the relationships they form — are complicated. And your life experiences can change you.

“We aren’t locked into the attachment style we developed in childhood,” Dr. Derrig clarifies. “Although we can’t delete our past experience, the evidence suggests that our attachment styles can — and do — change in response to life events.”

Therapy, healthy adult relationships and life experience can help adults develop an “earned secure” attachment style.

If you’re concerned that your attachment style is affecting your life, talking with a mental health provider can help you understand your experiences and develop new ways of coping in your relationships.

“The more you understand about your attachment style, the more likely you’ll be able to do something about it,” Dr. Derrig says.