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SearchLove languages are defined by the way you prefer to give and receive affection
Love can be a wild thing — and we all give and receive it in different ways. For some, gift giving and acts of service are the ultimate forms of affection. For others, quality time, physical touch or words of affirmation might reign supreme. And if you don’t communicate your priorities or fall short of meeting your partner’s needs, it could strain your relationships.
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Psychologist Susan Albers, PsyD, explains the importance behind love languages and how best to utilize them.
Created by Gary Chapman in 1992, the five love languages is a concept that suggests there are a set number of ways to feel and express love through:
“The theory is that everyone has a primary love language, or a way that they want to be loved and nurtured,” says Dr. Albers. “We don’t all give and receive love in the same way, so while you might find one love language more meaningful, your partner might gravitate toward another.”
The key to any healthy relationship, then, is identifying how you want to be loved. It’s also about how you show your affection for others, too.
Let’s explore each of the five love languages and how they might show up in relationships.
Words of affirmation is a love language that involves verbal and written forms of communication to express affection, appreciation and encouragement. With this approach, your partner might feel loved and appreciated if you:
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“When we speak love out loud, we strengthen the bond and remind each other that we matter,” says Dr. Albers. “Saying things like 'I appreciate you' or 'I’m proud of you' might seem small, but those moments of affirmation can completely change the tone of a relationship.”
Acts of service is about helping your partner through meaningful actions. With this language, you might take on some responsibility that takes pressure off your partner, or you might do things that you know will make them feel supported. This may look like:
“Love is a verb,” says Dr. Albers. “Doing one thing each day to make your partner feel special is an act of service.”
Quality time is a love language centered around creating memorable, meaningful moments that your partner will appreciate. If your partner loves new experiences and date night ideas, this might be the area to focus on. The key here is to give undivided attention. Examples of this love language could include:
“You can do acts of service while spending time together,” says Dr. Albers. “When your partner is talking, put down your phone and really take in what they’re saying.”
This love language is pretty straightforward and tends to be amplified when important events, holidays or anniversaries roll around. But it can also be meaningful to your partner if it’s done subtly or as a surprise on a random Tuesday afternoon just because you love them. You don’t necessarily need to go big or go home — a gift can be something as simple as:
“Giving a small gift isn’t about the price or the size. It’s about saying, ‘I see you, and I was thinking of you,’” notes Dr. Albers. “Even something simple — a favorite snack, a note or a flower — can speak volumes. These tiny gestures remind us that love often shows up in the small, thoughtful moments that brighten someone’s day.”
As the opposite of words of affirmation, this love language relies on physical affection, like:
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“The person who uses words to express their affection may have to work a bit harder to get out of their comfort zone and think about connecting through touch,” notes Dr. Albers. “You can work your way up to it with small, physical gestures, like hugging them when they come home from work or rubbing their neck and back when they say they’re feeling sore or stiff.”
When you and your partner work on appreciating each other’s love languages and meeting each other’s needs, it can help strengthen your relationship. By exploring different ways to love one another, you:
“Love languages aren’t just for romantic relationships,” stresses Dr. Albers. “Everyone wants to feel seen and appreciated, whether it’s a friend, coworker or family member. Learning to express care in the way someone values most is a great way to practice empathy and strengthen your everyday connections.”
Healthy relationships are all about striking a balance. You want to show up for people in a real way that honors their need to be loved, and you want to help others understand your own needs, too. By learning each other’s love languages, you can maintain and strengthen any relationship at any stage.
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“You can identify what someone’s love language is at any point, and it’s really a helpful tool in helping to express how you care about someone,” encourages Dr. Albers.
The more you communicate with your partner, the easier it’ll be to love, elevate and support them. And if anyone ever feels neglected or overlooked, remembering someone’s love languages may be key to getting things back on the right track.
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