Advertisement
By setting boundaries around how much you give, you can save your time and resources while also being a good person
Everyone loves a white knight in shining armor — but there comes a time when even superheroes need saving. If you’re the kind of person who overextends themselves for the benefit of other people, you might have a savior complex.
Advertisement
Cleveland Clinic is a non-profit academic medical center. Advertising on our site helps support our mission. We do not endorse non-Cleveland Clinic products or services. Policy
Psychologist Ramone Ford, PhD, explains why trying to “save” other people can become harmful, how to recognize when you need to take a step back and how to overcome the savior complex without losing your sense of self.
The savior complex, or white knight syndrome, describes the need to “save” other people by fixing their problems for them. Someone with a savior complex often feels the compulsion to go out of their way to help other people, even if those other people don’t need or want their help. While this isn’t an exact medical diagnosis, the savior complex is associated with a pattern of behaviors that reinforce this specific state of mind.
“The savior complex is a compulsion to save others and a driving desire to solve problems,” explains Dr. Ford. “These are often unconscious processes. So, these burning desires to be altruistic typically don’t go away on their own until they feel the situation is resolved in the way they want to resolve it.”
There are several telling signs of savior behavior, many of which overlap with each other. Here are the most common ones and how these behaviors can cause more harm than they do help:
Advertisement
When you start to believe something is inherently wrong with you as a human being, your mental, emotional and physical health can be negatively affected for the long term. Spoilers: You’re perfectly fine just the way you are. But maybe there is some work to be done around what motivates you and where you’re getting your needs met.
“You have to build awareness around what motivates your behavior and realize that some of this doesn’t help you,” advises Dr. Ford. “By exploring why you don’t feel good in relationships or why you don’t feel good about yourself, we can unpack these behaviors, learn where they come from, build up your self-worth and reinstate healthier boundaries.”
“The savior complex ties into low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence,” explains Dr. Ford.
There are several reasons someone might feel insecure about their place in the world and how they interact with other people, but often, the savior complex is rooted in the experiences you’ve had when you were young. You might be more likely to develop a savior complex if:
“Maybe when you were young you had to help your family survive and the message was that you had to sacrifice your needs for the greater good of the family,” he continues. “You carry those experiences into adulthood. But even though it feels good to feel supportive, we know in the long run that it may not be healthy for us because it takes a toll on us after a while.”
The savior complex is often centered around issues with control and anxiety. Although the savior means well, their ability to manage crises trumps their ability to collaborate with others. The difference between helping someone and saving someone comes down to understanding when and how your solutions are actually needed, and whether or not a problem is indeed a problem that needs to be solved.
“When you’re helping someone, maybe a person asks for help or gets the option to accept help,” poses Dr. Ford. “But with the savior complex, there’s almost a burning desire that makes someone want to become a caretaker, whether the person they’re caring for gives them permission or not.”
For the person who’s being saved, there’s often a risk of dependency because they may start to rely on the savior to swoop in and save the day. But relying on that help can give someone a false sense of security and an inability to hold themselves accountable and grow from their mistakes.
Advertisement
On the flip side, if someone doesn’t need or want the help that’s being thrown at them, they may distance themselves from the savior or reject their advances entirely.
“Not everyone wants that dependence and not everyone wants to be saved,” he stresses. “Having a savior complex can become unhealthy or unhelpful when it moves from a place of empathy to a place where you’re always rescuing them or they’re never learning to work through conflict or problem-solve on their own.”
Relationships can become strained and difficult to maintain. The savior can become physically and emotionally exhausted from trying to change someone or save them from all of their problems. The savior might also become increasingly irritable toward the person or situation and they can end up feeling detached from the person they’re trying to save if their attempts to help are rejected. All of these things can lead to a buildup of resentment or a sense of failure.
“You can internalize your sense of failure if you feel like you’re not giving enough of yourself or if the person is rejecting your help,” clarifies Dr. Ford. “You may feel like maybe you just need to work harder, but you might never get to the point where your help is accepted or appreciated.”
Advertisement
And if you base your sense of worth on your ability to help others, you might beat yourself up if it doesn’t turn out the way you expected. Over time, you may also end up with:
“If you’re always looking for validation through a relationship and you feel validated by giving more of yourself, when your relationships become strained or you get to a different stage of development and realize you’re just giving and it’s not being reciprocated, you can end up feeling a little lost,” he notes.
Changing your behaviors and the way you see yourself and the world around you may not sound like an easy task. But you can overcome the savior complex by first acknowledging you exhibit these behaviors and then challenging those behaviors in real-time.
Here’s what you can do:
Advertisement
At the end of the day, saving yourself from the savior complex comes down to protecting your resources, establishing your self-worth and acknowledging that not everything is going to go your way — and that’s perfectly fine.
“If you value something, you place boundaries around it,” notes Dr. Ford. “The Mona Lisa isn’t just sitting out in the Louvre. There is a case around it and ropes preventing you from getting close to it. If it didn’t have any worth, you could just walk right up to it. But you have to know you’re valuable in order to build boundaries to protect your time and resources. Therapy can help you realize your value.”
Learn more about our editorial process.
Advertisement
Face-touching is a common habit, but one that can be overcome, like by learning to recognize when you’re doing it and keeping your hands distracted
We all experience some stress from time to time, but chronic stress can contribute to health issues like diabetes and cardiovascular disease
Getting outside, eating a healthy diet, taking up journaling, listening to music — even cuddling a pet — can provide stress relief
It’s a continual process, but through meaningful practices, you can find peace and positivity with yourself
Feeling lonely may increase your risk of cardiovascular disease, depression and high blood pressure
By setting healthy boundaries, reflecting on your motives and expressing your needs, you can find a healthier balance
Identify your emotional triggers, come to terms with your regrets and allow yourself to be a kid again
Your inner child is a representation of your childhood experiences and the ways they can still affect you on a day-to-day basis
Focus on your body’s metabolic set point by eating healthy foods, making exercise a part of your routine and reducing stress
PFAS chemicals may make life easier — but they aren’t always so easy on the human body
While there’s little risk in trying this hair care treatment, there isn’t much science to back up the claims